“Greetings to all. My name is Nosipho from South Africa. I want to appreciate and glorify God for His wonders in my life in Jesus’ name! I was following God’s Heart TV on YouTube but because of unknown fears and anxiety, I was scared to contact the channel for prayers. I would witness the testimonies and just wish I could contact them – till I forgot about it as it seemed so far. Until last year 2024, a friend of mine reintroduced the channel to me by showing me one of the testimonies via WhatsApp. So, I got encouraged and asked her how to send a prayer request. She then told me to follow the link to the God’s Heart TV website. Even with the link, I was so scared to write the prayer request. Many intrusive thoughts came and I would get so fearful and just cancel the whole thing, erasing what I had already written. Until I summoned courage and prayed throughout writing the prayer request.
“The reason I wrote to God’s Heart TV was because of depression, obsessiveness, anxiety, phobias, intrusive thoughts including sexual thoughts – all kinds of mental torment you can imagine, alongside other situations. I only started noticing this torment in 2018 but after thorough reflection, I found it started from a young age although it was not as severe. This affected me very badly as I struggled in life. I wanted to isolate myself. I wanted nothing to do with my child, even though I forced myself to take care of him. At work, having to be around people, I would lock myself in the office. I wished I could work from home and that happened because of COVID. Even then, I thought I would be better but all these torments increased with suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, panic attacks – just a lot of things.
“I decided to go to the government hospital to see a psychologist. I had a few sessions with them and they referred me to a psychiatrist and she gave me medication. After that, I was scheduled to continuously see the psychologist to monitor me and the intake of the medicine. I asked them when I would stop taking these pills and they said I wouldn’t stop and I would need to take them for the rest of my life. I continued with the medication. It numbed me and helped for a while – till it didn’t help anymore. I found myself eating a whole bunch of pills but nothing happened – and this was my second suicide attempt. I then decided to stop taking the pills at once and never went back to the doctors.
“Mind you, these mental torments were so tricky because if I went out, I would be able to pretend like I was normal. I laughed and did everything as normal. You would think I’m enjoying myself but when I got home, the weight comes. Torment would come about many things – why I communicated like this, why I bought this – and I had so much guilt. When it came to crowded spaces, it was awful. It felt like everyone was looking at me and I couldn’t wait to get home. The torments became worse as I could hardly cope with work so I resigned in March 2024. My mind was always busy thinking the worst. I remember one time walking on a bridge near a waterfront and a voice was telling me to jump into the water. I prayed and walked in the middle of the bridge to avoid anything. I used to be a perfectionist which also added to the depression and fear as I didn’t want to make mistakes. And I was a people pleaser.
“After submitting the prayer request, I was invited to join the Interactive Prayer Service on April 4, 2024. Since then, I have tried not to miss out on any services. As I joined the services, scales on my eyes were being removed. I knew the Lord was rearranging my life spiritually. Today, I can attest that I am feeling much better. I’m experiencing a peace of mind which is something I never knew. Yes, there are times where intrusive thoughts sneak in but I’m more aware that it’s the enemy trying to deceive me and I pray, casting down the thoughts. The Lord is with me all the time and the Holy Spirit has been revealing many to me. My spiritual life has improved – reading the Word daily, coming to know and understand why things in my life have been happening and choosing daily to obey the Lord.
“Before, I had baggage of resentment and unforgiveness, which was mostly hidden as I thought I was in right standing with God. But since I followed Brother Chris’ advice to ask the Holy Spirit to shine His light on the darkness hidden in me, these were revealed and I was shocked. With a convicted humble heart, I repented – which I now practise daily. I’m grateful that every time I dig deep into the Word, it leads to repentance. Another shame this depression caused me is that I would go five days without washing. I neglected taking care of myself, and I was always tired. Now, I wash first thing in the morning and take care of my body. I am super grateful and will forever cherish and praise the living God. I’d like to encourage everyone to press in to touch Jesus. As Deuteronomy 4:29 says, ‘But from there you will search again for the LORD your God. And if you search for Him with all your heart and soul, you will find Him’.”