Session 2 - Male and Female Roles and Responsibilities

Sermon and Prayer

Marriage is a relationship of interdependence – ‘I need you, you need me, we both need God.’ As such, this Marriage Seminar discusses male and female roles – not based on culture or tradition but according to the truth of God’s Word. Learn how God created male and female roles to be equal in value, worth and mandate yet distinct in function. Brother Chris unpacks the sacrificial leadership role that the husband assumes, and the willing submission role the wife undertakes – roles that are complementary, not competitive. As you apply these principles to your marriage, you will build a Christian home that is not only a place of fulfilment, peace, joy and satisfaction but also a witness for Christ.

Scriptures

Genesis 1:26-28

“Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.’ So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'”

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'”

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

“She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

“Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.”

“Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

“The Pharisees came and asked Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’ testing Him. And He answered and said to them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ They said, ‘Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.’ And Jesus answered and said to them, ‘Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation, God “made them male and female.” “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.'”

“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.”

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

“submitting to one another in the fear of God.”

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Saviour of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.”

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

“For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: ‘If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.’ For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread.”

“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the Word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Questions & Answers

Written Questions

Many questions were submitted before the Marriage Seminars. Here are responses to some of those written questions, which are relevant to this second session.

What does biblical headship require of a husband, and does it allow him to make decisions unilaterally?

The role of ‘head’ does not grant a husband the right to make decisions unilaterally. While it may be easier to decide things alone, marriage is about being “one flesh,” which requires aiming for a common understanding on all significant decisions. Misunderstandings are common because God designed husbands and wives to see things differently, but this diversity is a strength that leads to greater wisdom and understanding.

Pride is often a barrier to this process, as it leads individuals to believe their perspective is the only clear one. Headship is not a position of status in a hierarchy but a spiritual principle of authority and responsibility modelled on Christ’s sacrificial love for the church. Ultimately, the husband is held responsible for decisions within the marriage because that is God’s established order.

Commitment must be to the Word of God rather than to culture or background; being the ‘head’ does not mean being the king of a small empire. When both partners work long hours, there must be a practical sharing of household tasks. However, this does not change the fundamental principles of a godly marriage or the responsibility of raising children.

Couples should evaluate if both working long hours is a necessity or merely a way to fund ‘wants’. This lifestyle carries costs, including potential impacts on spiritual life, fellowship, and the godly upbringing of children. Financial necessity is not a ‘let-out clause’ that excuses a couple from fulfilling their other responsibilities before God.

Just as a garden becomes overgrown if untended, lives can fall into sin if they are not deliberately ordered to avoid it. The human heart is “desperately wicked,” and even those who think they are standing must be careful not to fall. A vital first step is recognising that these sins are destructive and making a heart commitment to avoid them.

  • Infidelity: This ruins marriages, brings misery, and will face God’s judgment.
  • Alcohol Abuse: This destroys dignity, hurts others, causes self-hatred, and leads to death. Complete abstinence is recommended to avoid entanglement.
  • Emotional Affairs: These steal the care and attention a spouse needs, destroy one’s relationship with God, and typically lead to physical infidelity.

To stay pure, one should meditate on Scriptures like Proverbs 5 and 23 and “not go near the door” of temptation. Building a happy, fulfilling home according to God’s principles reduces the temptation to look elsewhere.

Earning power does not grant a spouse the right to dictate decisions; godly principles for husbands and wives apply regardless of who has the higher income. In marriage, finances should be viewed as ‘our money’ rather than ‘my money’ and ‘your money’. While income differences may cause tensions, these are normal challenges to be resolved and are never a valid reason for divorce.

Submission does not mean remaining silent or failing to discuss a position. Partners should discuss their views to understand each other and reach an agreement. If disagreement persists, the issue should be taken to God in prayer individually; humility before God often leads to common ground.

If a wife submits to a husband’s decision despite a disagreement, a full understanding usually follows later. If a husband later realises he was wrong, admitting it is an act of leadership, not a lack of it, as successful leadership involves learning from mistakes. One must be careful not to mistake pride for leadership. Persistent differences of opinion often indicate deeper heart issues before God, such as unforgiveness or bitterness.

It is difficult to answer such a specific situation without hearing both sides (Proverbs 18:17), as it is often a matter for counselling. However, three principles apply:

  1. Submission is not Demanded: It is a misapplication of Scripture for a husband to demand submission. The instruction to submit is given to wives; husbands should focus on their duty to love sacrificially, protect, and cherish their wives.
  2. Submission is Based on God’s Order: A wife’s submission is based on God’s Word, not on whether her husband is perfect or ‘deserves’ it. A decision might be right even if it does not ‘make sense’ to a spouse who may be deceived.
  3. Submission is Ultimately to God: Submission never requires a wife to sin. If a husband demands something sinful, there is no requirement for the wife to submit to that demand.

Spontaneous Questions

During this session, the opportunity was also given to participants to ask spontaneous questions which arose after listening to the teaching. Here are the immediate answers given to some of those questions during the live seminar.

How can a husband lead spiritually when he feels his wife is the spiritually stronger partner?

Identifying that you are not as spiritually strong as your wife is a positive starting point because recognising a problem is the first step toward a solution. It indicates a need for you to grow in your understanding, devotion, and desire for God. A wife’s spiritual strength should never be used as an excuse for a husband to remain lukewarm; instead, it should serve as an incentive and encouragement to take your relationship with God more seriously.

Practically, this involves identifying areas where you need to adjust or improve. If you face a challenge or temptation, do not hide it from your wife. Share it with her so that you can overcome it together. This does not change your roles; leadership is a position of responsibility rather than a status based on who is more ‘spiritually alert.’ Having a wife who is strong in the Lord is an incredible blessing, as she can serve as a ‘watchman’ for you. If she expresses concern about a particular step you are taking, listen attentively and take her words seriously, even while you hold the ultimate responsibility.

For the wife, spiritual strength should be used to encourage the husband. Use your discipline in prayer and Bible reading to invite him to join you. Because men are often preoccupied with work and other responsibilities, their spiritual habits may look different from yours. Cooperation is key. By encouraging him to pray, read, and discuss the things of God with you, you are helping him take up his mantle of spiritual leadership.

It is a reality that some issues in marriage require deliverance. When a spiritual force is attacking a husband’s ability to lead, it is not merely a matter of willpower. If there is a demonic entanglement or bondage, it needs to be broken in the name of Jesus Christ. Deliverance is available to God’s children to break such chains, allowing them to exercise their responsibilities without hindrance.

However, one must be careful not to be too quick to attribute every challenge to a spiritual attack. Sincerity and self-examination are vital. Often, the problem lies in ‘doors’ we have opened to the devil through our own actions. If those doors remain open, seeking prayer for deliverance will not provide an effective long-term solution. You must take accountability for what has hindered your leadership and be willing to change and grow. While your wife is there to support and encourage you, you must take responsibility for closing any gaps that allowed the enemy to disturb your prayer life or home.

Communication is at the heart of resolving reluctance in marriage. This must be done in love and peace, with the understanding that you are on the same team rather than in competition. If your husband is hesitant about a significant project, such as building a home or changing schools for your children, sit down together and explain why the decision is important to you. Simultaneously, try to understand the root of his reluctance; there may be financial issues or other concerns he has not yet shared.

Submission does not mean you lack an avenue to discuss important matters. You should keep pressing and encouraging him if the decision is right. If initial conversations do not lead to an agreement, do not allow the situation to end in a disturbance. Instead, take it to prayer. The prayer of a wife is powerful and can ask God to open a husband’s eyes to the importance of a situation. However, do not use your role or his reluctance as a justification to reverse roles or usurp his authority. Maintain an attitude of willing submission while seeking to understand the heart of the issue through persistent, peaceful communication.

From a husband’s perspective, true responsibility involves the pride-free admission of mistakes. No one is perfect, and the lessons learned from a wrong decision are often more valuable than the results of a right one. Pride is what prevents us from learning; it refuses to admit wrong or disregards a wife’s advice simply because of its source. A husband should acknowledge when a decision has negatively affected the family and work with his wife to make adjustments.

From a wife’s perspective, if you submitted to a decision you disagreed with for the sake of divine order and it resulted in negative consequences, you must communicate on the basis of growth rather than blame. Avoid language such as ‘I told you so,’ as this condemns and provokes weakness rather than encouraging strength. Approach the discussion by asking how you can both learn from the outcome.

If a husband remains stubbornly fixed on a wrong course, the wife should continue to speak the truth in love while taking the matter to prayer. The Spirit of God has the power to soften a stubborn heart. It is also important for wives to monitor their manner of approach. Because women naturally use more words, an accusatory or condemning tone can ignite further conflict. Maintaining a gentle and quiet spirit allows you to talk to your husband effectively while relying on Jesus to bring about the change that words alone cannot achieve.

Lifting someone up truthfully does not involve compromising or lying to pacify their weakness. If a wife is struggling with laziness or idleness – characteristics that are destructive to the home and marriage – the husband has a responsibility to bring correction in love. You do not help someone by pretending they are working hard when they are not.

The most effective way to bring this correction is through personal example. If you have identified areas in your own life that need adjustment, such as impulsiveness, working on those issues provides a mirror and a testimony for your wife. Your own life should serve as an example of the growth you are encouraging in her.

Correction and encouragement are not mutually exclusive. You should affirm her and encourage her faith while refusing to compromise on character issues. Practically, you can create daily habits that include her, such as praying, reading the Bible, and discussing God’s Word together. By doing these things as a unit, you encourage her to develop her own spiritual disciplines and grow alongside you.

Witnessing ungodly marriages or experiencing a broken family background can be deeply discouraging, but these negative experiences do not change the truth of God’s Word. The Word of God paints a beautiful picture of what a godly home can be. If you apply these principles, you will not repeat the patterns of the past. Instead, you will build a new home that is a blessing to your generation and those to come.

Taking a negative view of marriage because the world is heading in a dangerous direction is the wrong mindset. In fact, the state of the world makes raising godly children in a stable home one of the most important assignments a Christian can have. A godly marriage serves as an antidote to pervasive sin and a witness to others that it is possible to have a fulfilling, divine union even in an ungodly world.

You can break free from generational patterns and establish a new tone for your future family. Rather than focusing on marriages that failed because they lacked a spiritual foundation, focus on those that are flourishing with Christ at the centre. When marriage is viewed as a calling and a covenant, it becomes a wonderful journey that overcomes the weight of past experiences.

While works of darkness and witchcraft are a reality in a fallen world, a child of God must understand that darkness is not greater than light. If a marriage is built on the foundation of God’s Word, no attempt of the enemy to afflict it can succeed. We must not magnify the devil’s influence or glorify him by attributing every challenge in our home to his work; to do so is to suggest he is more powerful than the blood of Jesus Christ.

If there is a legitimate work of darkness or a generational curse, complete disconnection is possible through prayer in the name of Jesus. However, as a Christian, you should not view every problem through the lens of witchcraft. Once you are in Christ, old things pass away and all things become new. You are no longer part of a history of broken homes or bondages.

Shifting your perspective is essential. Deflecting blame to metaphysical forces can rob you of the opportunity to accept responsibility for your own role in a conflict. Tackling problems with the truth of God’s Word is more effective than pointing fingers at the enemy. As long as you remain in Christ, the devil is under your feet and you are covered by His blood.

Your Feedback

Please share with us some of the lessons you have learned from this second session, or any further questions that you have on the topic.

Other Sessions

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Adjustment Without Compromise and Resolving Conflicts