Session 7 - Preparation For Marriage

Sermon and Prayer

Are you preparing and trusting God for the right person to marry? Be encouraged as Brother Chris challenges those who are single, “Don’t focus on finding ‘the one’; focus instead on being ‘the one’, trusting that God will bring ‘the one’ in His perfect time! Be the person God desires you to be and see Him bring the person He desires you to be with.”

Learn how readiness for marriage depends on two things: the right reason and the right season. Discover how to marry from a place of peace based on spiritual maturity, responsibility and destiny – not from a place of pressure – where desperation, expectation or material things are your guide. Be guided by God’s Word as this session reveals some red flags to help you avoid ungodly relationships and make the most of your single season while preparing for marriage according to God’s will and in His perfect time.

Scriptures

1 Samuel 16:7

“But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'”

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.”

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

“The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favour from the Lord.”

“Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife is from the Lord.”

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the hearts.”

“Prepare your outside work, Make it fit for yourself in the field; And afterward build your house.”

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”

“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

“Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.”

“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.'”

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God.”

“And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.”

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

“Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

Testimony

Are you tired of worldly relationships that lead to nothing but heartbreaks? Nathan and Vimbai’s story is a must-watch for anyone wondering how to transition from a worldly life to a solid Christian marriage. From Nathan’s journey of finding himself again in God to Vimbai’s patient prayers for a godly partner, this testimony reveals why ‘getting married to Jesus first’ is the essential foundation for any earthly union.

Questions & Answers

Written Questions

Many questions were submitted before the seminars. Here are responses to some of those written questions, which are relevant to this seventh session.

Will God show you your spouse or does He give you wisdom and discernment to choose the right person for yourself?

Discovering God’s will for marriage is an integral part of your life of faith as a Christian. The process involves both divine guidance and human action; as it has been said, faith is a human act and a divine gift. You should work as if everything depends on you while praying as if everything depends on God.

The answer is not a choice between God showing you or you choosing; it is both. You must use wisdom and discernment without leaving God out of your decision-making. While waiting for specific guidance, your main focus should be on carrying out God’s revealed will – those things we already know definitively from Scripture. These include:

  • Sanctification: Abstaining from sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3).
  • A Lifestyle of Worship: Rejoicing always, praying without ceasing, and giving thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
  • Doing Good: Silencing the ignorance of foolish people through good conduct (1 Peter 2:15).

As you remain busy with these priorities, God will arrange events that reveal His specific purpose for your life. Avoid the extreme of thinking it is all up to God and failing to play your part. Choosing a spouse is a choice for which you will give account; therefore, you should apply scriptural principles, use common sense, and seek godly counsel from respected elders. Conversely, avoid the extreme of thinking it is entirely up to you; maintain a free spirit and remain open to God’s prompting.

The idea that one might ‘miss out’ by not marrying a unique, predetermined soulmate is potentially dangerous. It misapplies the principle of God’s sovereignty. In the sovereignty of God, when a Christian marriage functions according to His principles, spouses often discover they perfectly complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses. In that sense, you can praise God for providing a ‘soulmate’.

However, if you move away from God, that sense of being soulmates will quickly fade. Your focus should be on being the right person rather than simply finding ‘the one’ or worrying about a soulmate. While it matters whom you marry and you should follow God’s principles, you should leave the ‘soulmate’ mystery to God and let Him work it out through His providence.

God will never make a way for you that takes you away from Him or contradicts His revealed will. If a person does not support God’s standards, such as abstinence until marriage, then any perceived revelation suggesting they are your future spouse must be treated with extreme caution. Regardless of any ‘revelation’, you must flee from sexual immorality.

In highly emotionally charged situations, it is easy to confuse feelings, emotions, or fantasies with divine revelation. True revelation regarding a spouse is typically a mutual heart agreement. Just as God spoke to both Saul and Ananias (Acts 9) and Peter and Cornelius (Acts 10) when they were required to meet, He will reveal His will to both parties in a marriage. Be wary of anyone claiming ‘God told me you are my spouse’; such ‘revelations’ are often deceptions.

Attraction is a natural part of human makeup, and there are many people you could potentially be attracted to. However, the advice in this case is: ‘do not go there’! You should not entertain thoughts that cause such an attraction to an “unequally yoked” person to increase (2 Corinthians 6:14). 

While you can and should pray for everyone to be saved, you should not ‘wait’ for someone purely on the basis of attraction. In God’s plan for marriage, being a fellow believer is primary, while attraction is secondary.

Most dreams are ‘normal’ dreams resulting from daily activities, anxieties, and busy minds. Ecclesiastes 5:3-7 describes these as “vanity” that comes through “much activity”. They are often confused or chaotic. Conversely, a God-given dream is initiated by Him to communicate a specific message. These are typically clearer, more coherent, and often contain a clear command or weighty prophetic symbols.

Biblical warnings exist against false dreams that arise “out of the deceit of [one’s] own heart”. Such dreams are like “chaff” that blows away, whereas a true word from God is like “fire” or a “hammer that breaks rock” (Jeremiah 23:25-29). In the vast majority of cases, dreams of single people about marriage are not divine messages.

Regarding community pressure, this often stems from the ‘curse of comparison’. God has created you to be unique, and your life journey may look different from your peers’. You are what God says you are, not what society or friends define you as. In destiny, there is no competition. Resist the pressure and desperation born of others’ expectations by keeping a heart at rest through prayer and thanksgiving.

A ‘situationship’ – defined as a romantic involvement between people who are more than friends but do not consider themselves a couple – is the opposite of the Christian standard. The problem in this case is that a trivial matter of a small age difference is being treated as an issue, while the major issue (the wrong kind of relationship) is being glossed over.

You must be clear: if you are interested in marriage, consult mentors and pursue biblical courtship. If you are not serious about marriage, you must not mess with the other person’s emotions. Maintain your distance and relate only as necessary for work or church. Any romantic involvement without a commitment to marriage is sinful, as God designed this for the covenant of marriage.

Based on the distinct roles of men and women, a relationship typically gets off to a better start if the man takes the initiative.  If a female finds herself wanting to approach a brother in Christ, she should not keep these thoughts to herself, as this can allow fantasies to grow. Instead, she should share her feelings with a pastoral figure or mentor who can provide advice. If appropriate, they may ‘sound out’ the brother; if the feelings are mutual, the brother can then be the one to make the formal approach.

Spontaneous Questions

During this session, the opportunity was also given to participants to ask spontaneous questions which arose after listening to the teaching. Here are the immediate answers given to some of those questions during the live seminar.

How should a person handle the fear that a potential spouse might judge them for past sexual immorality or use that past to tempt them back into immorality?

Repentance means learning from mistakes rather than returning to them. If a past relationship involved sexual immorality, the lessons learned must be applied to any future relationship. It is a significant red flag if a potential spouse pressures you toward sexual immorality; you are not forced into such actions and should disconnect from that individual. Sexual purity is at the heart of God’s instructions for believers, and heart agreement on this biblical foundation is essential.

For Christians, the past is truly in the past and does not define one’s present or future. If a partner brings up your past to condemn you or pressurise you back into sin, that is not a godly attribute. Forgiveness from God and others means the past should not be relived or revisited. It is vital to remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit by maintaining a genuine relationship with God. A heart connected to the Spirit will recognise red flags and signs that a person is not godly or right for you. Priority must be placed on your relationship with God rather than allowing condemnation to lead you back to your old life.

Once you have entered a marriage covenant, you must remove the mindset that you married the ‘wrong person’ simply because you are facing challenges or did not follow the correct process initially. After personal repentance, focus on doing what is right in the present. God can use a committed spouse as a sanctifying influence to help the other partner get back on track. Through God’s sovereignty, any situation can be turned around to make a marriage fulfilling and fruitful.

True fulfilment is based on your relationship with God, not on the other person. If your husband is not acting rightly, your role is to demonstrate the reality of faith through your own life. Use this challenge as an incentive to draw closer to God in prayer, as He has the power to change your husband just as He changed you. Regret over past mistakes is a tool the devil uses to hinder current faith. Mercy, grace, and restoration are always available. 1 Corinthians 7:14 notes that an unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the believer; therefore, you must act in faith and be a light in your home. Contentment without a blessing is often the best preparation for receiving that blessing.

From a spiritual perspective, material differences between partners are not an issue. True poverty is being purposeless rather than penniless. Financial responsibility is not about the amount of money one possesses, but how that money is managed. Even if you have little, managing it responsibly allows for growth.

While family members or society may misinterpret motives or make judgements based on financial status, a godly marriage foundation is not material. Character, calling, and the covenant are the primary issues. Marrying specifically to gain riches is not a godly reason for marriage. We do not live to please people or fulfil unrealistic societal expectations. Heart agreement is based on mutual submission to God rather than money, age, or status. There is nothing wrong with individuals from different financial backgrounds marrying, provided they follow a godly process.

You cannot control the expectations or pressures others place on you, but you can control your reaction. It is essential to follow the right process and these principles of responsibility and maturity; if you do so, you position yourself to meet the right person in God’s time. God designed the physical body with certain age-related limits, such as a woman’s ability to bear children. If you are approaching these limits, use the time to pray and discern if God is calling you to singleness or if you need to play your part more effectively in finding a partner.

A calling to singleness is accompanied by contentment and action for God’s glory, rather than loneliness or resentment. Even if a couple marries at an age where they cannot bear children, they can still enjoy a wonderful companionship and a covenant partnership for God’s glory. Fulfilment is found in God, not in marital status. If you follow the right process, God will not call you to a life of regret. Discouragement should be resisted, even if marriage feels delayed. Contentment in your current season prepares you for future blessings.

Waiting on the Lord must involve ‘waiting in the Lord’ by maintaining purity and stewardship. The claim that one does not know where their money goes is often an excuse for mismanagement or irresponsibility, which are not godly attributes for marriage. Responsibility starts with personal accountability and the administration of whatever resources you have, regardless of the amount.

You must sit down, examine your accounts, and identify where adjustments or reductions in spending are needed. Stewarding resources is a role given by God. Correcting financial habits helps equip you for the time God brings a partner. Do not focus solely on finding ‘the one’; instead, focus on being the right person for a future spouse. Make the most of your season of singleness by engaging in godly projects and good works. Singleness offers unique opportunities for focus and service that change once the responsibilities of a family begin. Avoid the trap of focusing on what you lack to the point that you miss the value of what you currently have.

Your Feedback

Please share with us some of the lessons you have learned from this seventh session, or any further questions that you have on the topic.

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Raising the Next Generation