Session 6 - Rebuilding Marriages which Started on the Wrong Foundation

Sermon and Prayer

Did you buy the lie that you married the wrong person, that your spouse cannot change or that because the right process was not followed at the beginning you are condemned to an unhappy marriage? This Marriage Seminar addresses restoring, reconciling, rebuilding marriages in crisis, knowing that there is no marriage beyond repair and no heart beyond change. Discover the truth that restoration is always available on the platform of repentance!

Scriptures

Matthew 19:3–9

“The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’ And He answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning “made them male and female,” and said, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’ They said to Him, ‘Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’ He said to them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.'”

“So He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.'”

“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

“And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. ‘For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,’ says the LORD of hosts. ‘Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.'”

“Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”

“The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.”

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

“Come to Me, all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Testimony

Is reconciliation possible, even when the divorce papers have already been served? This powerful testimony from Khumo and Chris, a couple from Botswana married for nearly 20 years, is a raw and honest look at how their failing marriage was saved.

Questions & Answers

During this session, the opportunity was given to participants to ask spontaneous questions which arose after listening to the teaching. Here are the immediate answers given to some of those questions during the live seminar.

Your Feedback

Can you marry the 'wrong person' and can satan influence a union to separate a believer from God?

Before marriage, a child of God must follow a godly process, seeking divine wisdom to marry someone connected in faith who possesses biblical virtues and values. By putting God first, He will connect you to the person He has destined for you at the right time. However, once you enter a marriage covenant, the issue is no longer about whether you chose the right person; the two have become a single unit.

The focus must shift from questioning the choice to recognising that you are in a lifelong covenant that must be respected. Even if the marriage began without following the proper process or on an ungodly foundation, turning to God allows Him to work wonders and transform the union into a blessed Christian home. God’s Word does not permit divorce on the grounds of marrying the ‘wrong person’ or claiming manipulation by demonic intentions.

The consequences of a wrong decision can often lead to genuine repentance and character transformation. If a spouse behaves as an unbeliever, God can use the other partner to sanctify them. Turning to God in the present is what makes the most of a difficult situation.

A husband in this situation must continue to pray for restoration and reconciliation, choosing the path of peace as far as it depends on him. Opportunities for communication regarding their children should be used to display godly Christian qualities, which may eventually touch the heart of a rebellious spouse.

Even during physical separation, the spiritual connection of the marriage remains intact. The idea that one can simply leave and move on is a falsehood because marriage creates a permanent spiritual bond. No marriage is beyond repair and no heart is beyond change; therefore, prayer remains powerful regardless of current rebellion. The marriage covenant does not contain a ‘time clause’ that allows one to leave after a certain number of years. Before God, the parties are still married and must continue to fulfil their roles faithfully.

Selfishness is not a biblical ground for divorce. A wife living with such a husband should pray for him and seek to be a godly example through service and willing submission. A character flaw or bad behaviour is an opportunity to help the spouse through the strength and wisdom God provides. Character issues should not be met with similar negativity; one cannot quench fire with fire, but must use the ‘water’ of a godly attitude and adjustment to bring peace.

Regarding traditional marriage, Christians must respect the laws and rules of the world they live in as part of being good citizens. If a couple recognises the spiritual significance of their covenant, they should not be reluctant to confirm it legally or through a church ceremony. Marriage is a godly institution, and a church celebration provides a public witness of godly love and the importance of the covenant.

A wife must continue to play her role in the home even if her husband does not play his. Communication is the heart of conflict resolution; it is not an act of love to stay silent while a spouse follows a destructive pattern. Grievances should be addressed vocally but from a place of love and a desire to help, rather than from a place of defiance or a desire to challenge his authority.

Alcohol is incredibly destructive as it tampers with the will and clear reasoning. If a husband refuses to change, the wife should pray for God to open his heart and eyes. Her own life must be a light and a testimony of godly reverence, which encourages him to take her words seriously. Persistent drunkenness and stubbornness may indicate a spiritual bondage that requires prayer for deliverance.

There is a fundamental difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline is a practical way to learn from past mistakes and ensure doors to temptation are not reopened, such as adjusting phone usage. Punishment, however, involves intentionally revisiting the past to inflict pain or cause suffering because of the wrong done.

For example, if a husband uses past wrongdoing to deny his wife or to make her feel pain, he has not truly forgiven her. Genuinely forgiving means the past is no longer a cause of pain but a cause for growth. Trust should not be placed purely in the person, but in God who holds the marriage covenant.

Please share with us some of the lessons you have learned from this sixth session, or any further questions that you have on the topic.

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