Session 5 - Sexual Purity & Self-control / Recreation without Contamination

Sermon and Prayer

Join Brother Chris as he addresses the sensitive subject of sexual purity and self-control alongside how to enjoy recreation without contamination. In this Marriage Seminar you will recognise that while the world celebrates and champions sexual immorality, God’s Word defines sex as a sacred gift meant to be shared only within the covenant of marriage. Only then can it be accompanied by true fulfilment and real satisfaction, bringing fruitfulness to your marriage not only through the gift of children but in a flourishing, harmonious home. Understand the importance of self-control and how that starts in the realm of your attention and reflect on what you are giving your attention to – things that feed or awaken lust or that which leads you to the pursuit of purity.

This session will help you to put boundaries in place to guard your heart and flee sexual immorality – a very real threat to the harmony of a Christian home.

Scriptures

Exodus 20:14

“You shall not commit adultery.”

“Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?”

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.”

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell.”

“Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy.”

“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For ‘the two,’ He says, ‘shall become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you for your lack of self-control.”

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

“Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,”

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”

“But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.”

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”

“Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honour, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.”

“Older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.”

“Marriage is honourable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

“as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, ‘Be holy, for I am holy.'”

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.”

“But I have a few things against you, because you have there those who hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols, and to commit sexual immorality.”

“Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols.”

Questions & Answers

Written Questions

Many questions were submitted before the seminars. Here are responses to some of those written questions, which are relevant to this fifth session.

I married my wife because she was pregnant. We are believers but feel disconnected. What is the reason?

If the beginning of your marriage was not as it should have been, but you have both repented, then the past is over. You are now in a marriage covenant, and the original journey towards that union should no longer be your focus.

Linking your present challenge – feeling a lack of connection – to your past sin is a common trap of the devil. He uses our present situation to remind us of our past in order to define us by it. It is important to remember that you do not have to ‘feel’ forgiven to be forgiven. Similarly, you are not “one flesh” with your wife because you feel it, but because the Bible declares it. Do not focus on your feelings; instead, focus on the role God has given you as a husband.

Anyone who demands fornication as a condition for a relationship is not a godly friend. You have made the right choice in deciding to maintain biblical standards; anyone who is truly virtuous will respect you for that position.

The advice regarding ‘godly friends’ is a warning against ‘folding your hands’ and passively waiting for God’s blessing to fall into your lap. It is not specific dating advice, but rather a warning against isolating yourself in a ‘dream world’ with minimal interaction with others. God uses people to help shape your character. Engaging in godly friendships allows “iron to sharpen iron,” helping you develop the maturity necessary to handle the responsibilities that come with marriage.

Pornography works directly against God’s design for sexual intimacy within the marriage covenant. When someone watches pornography, they are degrading a person made in the image of God – someone’s son or daughter – to an object for fleeting, personal pleasure. What may appear to be entertainment is actually entanglement, because any attempt to satisfy lust only intensifies it.

The spiritual life must be prioritised because it is the foundation for everything else. It is a mistake to believe that good deeds in one area, such as physical or financial care, can compensate for sin in another. The only way to deal with sin is through repentance and coming to Jesus for forgiveness and deliverance through His blood. By the grace of God, it is possible to live a pure life.

The fact that society sets a low standard does not give Christians the right to lower theirs. A God-fearing man will not engage in fornication or adultery. The view that all men cheat, often formed through bad experiences, is simply not true.

In the Bible, Elijah once felt he was the only one left serving the true God, but God reminded him that He had reserved 7,000 who had not bowed the knee to Baal (1 Kings 19:18). Similarly, today there are many men who take God’s Word seriously and remain faithful. Cheating is not an essential feature of being a man; for a godly man, the opposite is true.

Recreation within a marriage can either build up or tear down the relationship and your spiritual standing.

Unhealthy Recreation:

  • Financial Irresponsibility: Activities that promote personal debt, such as online gambling or excessive purchasing.
  • Excessive Media: Too much screen time with films, gaming, online gossip, or soap operas that promote fantasy over reality.
  • Substance Abuse and Lust: Indulging in pornography, alcohol, or recreational drugs.
  • Worldly Company: Spending time with ‘worldly friends’ whose habits include swearing, lewd language, and disrespecting the opposite sex.
  • Stirring Strife: Engaging in troublemaking, such as slanderous remarks and the stirring up of anger.

Healthy Recreation:

  • Service to Others: Visiting the sick, poor, or elderly with practical help or gifts, and involving your children in these projects.
  • Shared Interests: Watching inspirational movies or documentaries together and engaging in shared sporting activities.
  • Relationship Investment: Devoting time to developing your relationship, such as planning romantic evenings.
  • Christian Fellowship: Sharing food and fellowship with like-minded believers and promoting inspiring, gracious conversation.
  • Hospitality and Peacemaking: Practising hospitality by inviting family and friends to eat, even if it requires stretching a tight budget.

Spontaneous Questions

During this session, the opportunity was also given to participants to ask spontaneous questions which arose after listening to the teaching. Here are the immediate answers given to some of those questions during the live seminar.

How can I free myself from past spiritual entanglements and anti-marriage curses in my family?

Spiritual entanglements often arise from opening the door to sexual immorality before marriage or through long-standing problems within a family line. Deliverance is a vital tool for those in bondage to these spiritual ties. While repentance is the necessary starting point, prayer is required to break the chains of ungodly connections and family curses.

Once you have received prayer and genuinely committed your life to Christ, you must choose to live in the present rather than the past. The past is over. You should not fall into the trap of attributing current challenges to a generational curse or past sins, as this mindset elevates the influence of the devil over the power of God’s deliverance. For example, if a potential relationship does not work out, do not assume a curse is active; instead, view it as God’s preservation.

The devil uses past sins to create a sense of condemnation that suggests there is no room for restoration. Jesus Christ, however, offers a way out through reshifting focus to God’s standards. Deliverance is always available on the platform of repentance. A powerful biblical example is the woman caught in adultery; after Jesus rescued her from condemnation, He told her to “go and sin no more” (John 8:11). This instruction is key to disconnecting from the past. After receiving deliverance from habits like pornography or masturbation, you must silence the voice of self-accusation and move forward by following Jesus.

Changing a mindset in marriage requires a deep, ongoing commitment to the Word of God and a total surrender to Him. While God has the power to transform a polluted mind filled with the ‘rubbish’ of the past, this is often a journey of submission.

Regarding negative or lustful thoughts, these do not necessarily disappear entirely. As long as we live in this world, we are subject to temptation. The evidence of spiritual growth and deliverance is not the total absence of temptation but the strength to say ‘no’ and the speed with which you identify and adjust. Maturity is found in being alert enough to recognise an ungodly thought immediately and rebuking it rather than harbouring, feeding, or fueling it.

Mind management is the first priority of an overcomer. You are what you give your attention to. While prayer provides deliverance, discipline and a rightful focus are required to overcome daily temptations. The Word of God possesses a transforming power; by meditating on it and being a ‘doer’ of the Word, your behaviour and thoughts will naturally align with God’s standards. Growth is a process, and while you may make mistakes, the way you manage them and move on counts toward your spiritual maturity.

Infidelity is a tool used by the enemy to bring total division to a home. When repentance occurs, the heart of God calls for full and free forgiveness. True forgiveness means the past is truly past; referring to previous immorality as a reason to avoid shared activities indicates that the pain is still being held in the heart. In such cases, the spouse must ask God for help, as it is His prerogative to bring judgement, whereas the spouse’s role is to continue in a spirit of willing submission and love.

Both partners must decide to move forward together without viewing their present life through the lens of past mistakes. Living in the past often causes individuals to repeat old patterns. For example, if a husband has repented and changed his conduct, the wife should accept it – not necessarily because of the husband’s own merit, but because of her trust in Christ.

Healing should not be viewed as a ‘bit by bit’ process that requires years of misery. God can bind up a broken heart in a moment, and receiving this healing is a decision of faith. Focusing on past mistakes robs a couple of the energy needed to build new ‘blocks of love’ in their marriage. Reclaiming trust is an act of faith that relies on the fact that God is holding both of your hearts. Engaging in recreational activities together is a helpful way to maintain harmony and solidify the union against future temptations.

Condemnation is a weapon the devil uses to trap believers in a cycle of sin. After tempting you to sin, the enemy will try to make you feel unworthy and hopeless so that you accept sin as part of your identity. The antidote to these lies is the truth of God’s Word: you can change, and there is always room for restoration as long as you do not justify or minimise the sin. Run to God, not from Him.

When seeking a new, godly relationship, you must learn from the red flags of the past. It is vital to remember that a person is not a Christian merely by confession but by commitment. You must look at the fruits of a person’s life before considering a relationship. If a potential suitor respects your boundaries but personally believes that sexual immorality is not a serious problem, this is a significant warning signal.

Do not proceed with such a relationship, hoping the person will change after marriage. If a partner does not recognise the foundational importance of steering clear of immorality, you should disconnect immediately. You do not need a specific ‘voice from God’ to tell you to leave; the person’s indifferent response to sin is the revelation you need. Disconnecting at the foundation prevents future decisions that you will eventually regret.

Your Feedback

Please share with us some of the lessons you have learned from this fifth session, or any further questions that you have on the topic.

Other Sessions

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Rebuilding Marriages which Started on the Wrong Foundation